She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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