So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
