I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
