my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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