I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
