Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
