She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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