I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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