make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
