sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
