Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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