I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
