dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
