good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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