K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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