How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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