Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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