A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
