my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
