The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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