I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
