discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
