We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize