Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
