before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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