I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize