he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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