A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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