I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
