I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
