There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
