I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
did i just pee glitter
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
