she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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