Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You may now shotgun with the bride
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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