hotel room ftw
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can't special order awesome
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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