There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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