that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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