if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
