i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
