not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
