Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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