Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
