I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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