I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize