Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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