Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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