those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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