2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
someone owes me an orgasm
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
