I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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