I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
