I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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