"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
