"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
