i permit you to call me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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