I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
