We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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