I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
