Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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