If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
