bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
