How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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