I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
