I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
