Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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