i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
