i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
