Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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