u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
