ya dads aren't the best wingmen
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
