i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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