let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize