Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
