dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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