Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's never too late to be topless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
