You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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