Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
